BRIAN WILSON
dialogue with treehouse artists
What’s going on?
[takes a sip of coffee]
So, this is cool.
Are we starting?
Yes.
Who are you? Why are you here?
Oh god. My name is a Brian Wilson. I’m an independent video game developer. As well as a student at Penn State.
I’m here because I believe that we can use video games as forms of communication and I believe that they can exceed the idea that they can only be formed as fun and entertainment. I believe that they can be used as a way to communicate with others in a way that’s new and interesting.
Tell me about your recent project.
Where the Bees Make Honey tells a story about reflecting on different moments from your childhood, which are played and experienced from an adult perspective. At its core Where The Bees Make Honey is a puzzle adventure game, but gameplay variation is filtered throughout.
What the biggest form of self-resistance?
Define self-resistance.
Well, it’s a bit more of a philosophical question and it depends what you believe. I believe that anyone can do anything without their own internal resistance. So, I guess, in a way, it’s like asking you what prevents you from being a god?
Ok. Well, then at first glance, for me, I’ve felt that I was never smart enough. Specifically, with regards to video games. Developing just seemed too hard.
The desire built up, though, after continuously trying - in 2013, after immediately failing. I was in high school at the time. It’s actually really hard to develop a game of any kind, of any scale. That ultimately prevented me from having anything made and I didn’t know where to start.
After having years of experience, after my first degree, there was a finally a time where I ripped the band aid off and opened a software called Unity- and I tried to actually make something. That was the first time where I didn’t really care about how many views, clicks or number of likes that I received- I just wanted to see something come to life. No matter what it looked like or felt like- just watching something I made come to life. If I had only cared about the views or exposure, I think I would have fell victim to that. It was that I was making it for myself - where I felt like I could continue and get through that.
As a budding game developer, have you ever fell into comparing yourself to others?
Absolutely. Not at first because when I started my first game, I literally didn’t know what I was capable of - that was a big part of the beginning of all this. There was really no comparison. After a year or so into development, I showed the game off at E3 - the largest video game conference in the world in Los Angeles- and it was there, when I was more eye-to-eye with other independent video game developers from all over the world. It was really eye opening. Before the event, I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I felt like I was suffering from imposter syndrome. I felt like I was only let in because they felt bad for me. Like it was actually all just a joke being played on me. It was a terrible feeling. I was comparing myself to other games and developers. It was just that I was not on their level.
After E3, I had time to digest it and realize that I was there because of the quality of the game. They didn’t have to accept me. I felt better. I felt more confident. I was in the same event with games that were truly amazing. They’ll make millions of dollars. These developers had a lot of experience.
I just had to go through it and realize that it was kind of normal - that other developers feel the same way. They don’t know what they’re doing all the time and that it’s actually okay.
What would you call something you do every time you want to create something? “Ritual” is what comes to mind. Did you have any sort of ritual in developing “Where The Bees Make Honey”?
I feel like there’s another word for that.
Right? I thought so too. It won’t come to mind.
It’s just going to explode into our minds later.
When I started Where The Bees Make Honey, I didn’t set out to make it with that game. Like I said, when I first started, I didn’t know what I was capable of. It was mostly learning. The planning for that project has been a bit sporadic. Piece by piece. So, actually now that it’s in it’s almost-near-final form, it’s been amazing to have an idea from almost two years ago and finally see it come to life now because games take so long to make. Other art forms do too but games are really much longer. It’s amazing to see elements of the game written down in this sketch book. And now looking back and seeing that I actually did all the things I had set out to.
Looking back on ideas I wanted to do or story elements I wanted to do, people I wanted to work with, certain songs and visualizing the game - and realizing that I am actually capable of doing that now. I’m grateful to be finally be at a level that I can actually do that. That it is not just a dream, it’s now a reality.
So… was there ever a ritual?
Not really. Yes. Ok. Actually yes but it’s probably more like a curse. It’s more of a problem within the industry. The ritual, we call it “crunch” which is basically unpaid overtime. It happens towards the end of the development- whether a few weeks or a few months - it’s basically where you’re working 12-16 hour days and cutting yourself off from family, relationships, your health- working really hard to finish your game for a deadline.
Being a full time student, I’d be in class all day, study until 11 o’clock at night and to finish the game, I could only work on it from 11:00 PM to 3-3:30 AM, Monday through Friday (and weekends if I was lucky). It was like kicking into this mental overdrive. Even if I were too exhausted or didn’t want to do it, I had to. It wouldn’t have ever been made if I didn’t. If I didn’t finish the game, it would never get finished. I don’t have a team that would ultimately create it without me. It’s a weird place to be. If I don’t finish it, the next step is like… all black. It’s like nothing happened. That’s almost scarier… than anything, really. Even though I learned so much and met so many people- not having anything to show for it is a really scary concept for an artist. When you are going to release a game, you’ve got to announce a release date months before it’s done. Even begin to market it. You’ve got deliver what’s promised.
So, that was kind of my nightmare ritual.
What’s your favorite place to think?
Think?
Ya.
[long pause]
I’m going to say, from the looks of it, it’s right here, right now.
[laughs]
It’s not necessarily a physical space. It’s definitely when I’m listening to ambient, instrumental music - piano or violin - is when, and it’s almost down to a science. If I listen to that music, that’s my place. I can visualize parts of the game - visuals, cinematic scenes for the game. When I’m listening to that kind of music, whether it’s my own or not, it’s where I feel best. I think of things like movie scenes there. It’s really special. That’s my best place. I could be anywhere.
What do you feel art’s role is in society?
Oh boy.
I feel like art exposes new and progressive ideas to the broader audience- which ultimately, can come off a little uncomfortable or unfamiliar and I think that’s exactly why it exists. It’s a new way of exposure and thinking. That’s why it’s uncomfortable - because it’s so new. If art was just enjoyable and palatable every single time, then it wouldn’t be progressive. You want to push things forward. Certain music and TV shows have gotten it down to be enjoyable every time - where people can laugh or like it every single time- I don’t really think that’s art.
I feel like art exposes new and progressive ideas to the broader audience- which ultimately, can come off a little uncomfortable or unfamiliar and I think that’s exactly why it exists. It’s a new way of exposure and thinking. That’s why it’s uncomfortable - because it’s so new. If art was just enjoyable and palatable every single time, then it wouldn’t be progressive. You want to push things forward. Certain music and TV shows have gotten it down to be enjoyable every time - where people can laugh or like it every single time- I don’t really think that’s art.
For me, the first time I was exposed to that was the punk scene in Pittsburgh in 2013. I was a senior in high school. Specifically, I was at a DIY venue called the Mr. Roboto Project and there was presumably a guy wearing a dress and I grew up in a very small town where I had never seen anything like that before- not even on TV or the internet. There, it was just cool. It was normal. Everyone around was fine with it. I was more of an observer in this brand new place. You’d never see anything like that in my hometown. It wouldn’t be accepted. It is a such a shame. Another thing is that there was gender-neutral bathrooms. It may have become a much more hot topic now but I think the punk scene had the whole thing figured out in 2013 and obviously before. They accepted people in a different way. Even if that’s not how they live their own life. That really stuck with me. It really shaped my way of thinking, how I thought about others and art as a whole.
What would you like to see change in your industry?
A lot.
There are a lot of problems. I think it’s simply that (and this may be a problem beyond just games) but there’s this idea that women can’t be video game developers or even video game players. It’s such an absurd idea. It’s just so untrue. Specifically in the independent video game scene- some of the most progressive games to exist, that are so personal, - we can sometimes be presented by the some of most misogynistic, sexist, racist internet trolls - that’s so unfair- we can be represented by people who don’t represent us. Some people will call it the gamer gate. It’s just uncool. I think these are some of the most interesting experiences ever - that should be exposed to so many more people. Videos games get frowned upon in some ways and this problem prevents that from ever being solved.
